I was always a skinny kid, lean, wiry, but never athletic, very much ectomorphic dominate, but then at 16, just prior to a family holiday in Ibiza, I decided I was going to get fit and strong and so began a journey, a journey that has evolved constantly over the years encompassing runner, bodybuilder and more recently, functional fitness enthusiast.
My exercise routine initially consisted off running and press ups and that was it.
I responded well peaking at long 9-10 mile runs at just over six and a half minute mile pace, pretty quick. I had some chest development but nothing to shout about.
At this point, it was all about my fitness, upping my pace on the run and upping my numbers on the press ups. Aesthetics and functional fitness weren't terms I even understood.
Then I discovered the gym and hit it hard. My running was fazed out over a period of 1-2 months and it all became about the muscles!
It became an obsession, not initially but right from the get go, I never missed a session, I was dedicated and loved it immensely. My first gym was in an old basement and was poorly equipped compared to the mega gyms of today.
It was however populated by some good guys who certainly knew their way around a barbell. I learnt alot from these guys and even attended a few bodybuilding competitions with them.
I got a huge buzz from these and knew instantly that I wanted to get to the stage where I could compete.
And so it began, a long hard slog, getting my body up from 10 stone at 17 years of age into something not reassembling a walking pipe cleaner!
I remember on one particular occasion speaking to a particularly muscular guy about his development and got chatting to him about plateaus and how I could get of of my current one. He said, quite simply, 'do you take steroids?' to which I replied, 'no'
His response,'well there's your problem then'. This resonated with me and could have derailed my desire to continue. I thought, 'I'm never going to take drugs so if I can't ever get to look like this guy, what's the point? I was 18 and probably weighed about 11 stone with genetics better equipped for a marathon runner!
But then, undeterred, I carried on, four days a week on a split routine constantly trying to up my weight. I then discovered 'deadlifts' and found I had this strange ability to hoist a decent amount of weight of the floor! In the next year or so I put on a good 2 stone and deadlifted 500lbs. I was benching 260 but could only squat 300.
At about the time when I was 20, the guy that I watched compete a couple of times opened up a new gym. It was great, although he had some strange ideas like 'hiding' the only Olympic bar as we were always squabbling over it and recommending adding cream to your protein shakes as a means of putting on muscle!.
Any way, one year later, I was weighing 14 to 15 stone and could routinely deadlift 500, squat 350 and bench 280. My arms had gone from 11 inches in the beginning to 15 inches and my thighs from 18 to 23.
I had a good two years here but then it was onto my third gym and the most intense, dedicated period of my bodybuilder life that almost led to the end of my marriage, friends and job.
Premier gym in my home town of St.Neots, was on my doorstep, it was impossible to ignore. I knew of It's existence some years ago and even checked it out but it didn't have the right vibe, too poncy. But then it was taken over by business partners Lance and Diane.
Their priorities were different and it became a bodybuilders haven. I joined up and was immediately approached by a guy called Lee, a 19 stone bodybuilder oozing with charisma and knowledge. He approached me and said he always likes to have a chat with someone who looks like they take their training seriously, which was cool.
I felt immediately at home here and made several friends. Every aspect of my life now became geared towards the gym, the eating, sleeping, recreational time and education. I watched Mr Olympia videos, bought bodybuilder mags, and supplemented massively gulping down literally hand fulls of liver tablets and amino acids, I would sweat the stuff!! Nothing would interfere with my training schedule! It was bad but about to get worse!
I met a guy called Joe (name changed to protect the innocent) and he suggested we train together. I thought OK, why not, we got on well and I hadn't had a partner for several years.
I was 23 and a lean 14 stone. Steroid use in the gym was rampant. I remember taking a two week holiday with the family and when I got back, no kidding, everyone looked noticeably bigger!. My training partner then revealed to me that he had recently started to take steroids and said it was only fair that I should know.
I was shocked to say the least. He gave me his justification as to why he was taking them and that he was taking only a 'small dose'.
Well, here was a dilemma, at about this time Lance, the owner, announced that he was going to be putting on a local bodybuilder competition and that he had gotten the show the status of 'NABBA Mr Britain qualifier'. This was quite a big deal and meant that this wasn't just a local show but would be populated by people throughout the UK!
I had to give serious consideration to this. It was at this point that I gave serious consideration to the taking of steroids.
They were readily available, I was a very clean living athlete in all other respects, eating well, not drinking or smoking and had the desire to compete and compete well, I was well and truly sucked in because of my desire to compete and because of the surroundings I was in.
I spoke to my wife Lisa, she obviously wasn't happy but I gave her the same justification that my training partner gave me, pathetic!
My steroids duly arrived, I had a phone call from my training partner and remember very well the journey to his house on my motorbike. I was, to be honest, shitting myself, but at the same time excited at the potential muscular gains that I would be making.
Once administered (a 10 mg dose of Deca-Durabolin in my arse)I half expected to have a heart attack there and then and was very vigilant of any peculiarities in my body. I was scared, for sure!
Back in the gym and I was positively buzzing. Placebo effect or otherwise, I don't know, but I was immediately stronger, I even looked bigger, I was going to be unstoppable.
In addition to the steroids, I was on a cocktail mix of Caffiene in the form of pro-plus and ephidrine, designed to give an additional 'kick' to my training!
In the first course of 6 weeks duration my weight went from 14 stone to 15 stone 8 lbs. You don't forget gains like that I was so focused it was scary.
It was during this period (including subsequent courses) that I had my greatest ever strength gains.
Deadlifed 600lbs, squatted 450 for 3 reps! and benched 330. Not massive numbers but not bad for a what was a skinny 10 stoner!
Even writing this I'm getting a buzz from the remembering the fantastic training I had at the time. I was truly in my element when in the gym, but unfortunately this was where all the good stuff ended.
Outside of the gym, I was bad tempered, always knackered and self obsessed in the extreme.
Let me give an example, It was on a day out with my family, to the coast somewhere.
I cut the day short so I could get back the the gym to train with my training partner. On the way back we hit traffic and it became apparent that I wasn't going to get back in time. When the road became clear, I nailed it and drove somewhat recklessly in order to make my appointment with my workout. My wife was in tears and my kids were all scared. But 'I' got to the gym on time and that's all that mattered.
I was regularly getting into scrapes at work and almost got into a fight whilst trying to find a parking space at a busy mall. That was another occasion that produced tears from my wife as we ended up driving home having never got parked.
I remember all this well and it wasn't good.
The final straw came when I cam home late from work one day and found I had no tuna in the fridge. I went ballistic at my wife Lisa and proceeded to smash the the wardrobe door with my fists, This was roid rage in full uncompromising flow.
She asked me to move out, just until the show was over but I managed to convince her otherwise and to give me another chance.
Not meaning to justify myself here, not at all, but at the time, about 4 weeks out from the show, I was heavily into my diet and had massive cravings for all sorts of 'banned' foods. Anyone who has ever dieted to this extreme will know what I am talking about here, It's tough and takes a lot of dedication. I was consuming literally about 20 gms of fat per day! To get fat consumption as low as that requires incredible attention to detail.
I finally arrive at the show, family intact, just, and none of my extended family any the wiser.
I don't want to make this blog about the show but briefly I placed first in my class beating several guys bigger than me because of my condition. I was 5% body fat at 14 stone having come down from 16 stone.I had thighs that were up there with the best in the show but was let down by weak calves!
It was a massive buzz though and I was very proud to receive my trophy from my sponsor, Diane. (by this point they were paying for my training in the gym and my supplements)
Show over, my weight went from 14 to 15 stone in about a week which was weird.
I agreed to do the following years show also much to the dismay of Lisa.
Don't get me wrong, she certainly took pride in my show but only her mum really knew just what I had put her through!
Things were better the second time around. I came in at 14 and a half stone but wasn't in such condition. I won my class again and as a result qualified for the NABBA Mr Britain finals.
It was at this point that I decided to quit competition altogether after just two shows. At the time I wasn't overly worried about my health but was very concerned about the welfare of my family. I could see that it wasn't going to hold up under the strain of it all and that to compete at the next level would have meant more drugs and a whole new level of pain within my family and of course it wasn't worth that.
I continued to train like a bodybuilder right up to the point that I was introduced to kettlebells. I haven't had a kick from training like this since my early days of bodybuilding and I love it. I'm no longer obsessed though and have a very balanced approach now to training and family life.
I now favour the TRX, Concept 2 rower, Kettlebells and body weight training. My V02 max is around 55, I have never been so fit.
My heaviest weight ever was 17 stone and I looked pretty damn good in the gym, but show me a flight of stairs and I would get out of puff fairly quickly. Competitive bodybuilding for me was all about the aesthetics and certainly not fitness.
If a young guy came up to me now and asked about steroids, I would point them in the direction of this blog. I would make sure that they realise the potential risks verses the rewards.
It's 20 years since those drug induced super intense workouts of mine and I can only hope that I didn't cause any long term damage. I now feel very fit and healthy but on reflection do regret having gone down that path. I have a couple of trophies now gathering dust but at least I can speak from experience about the highs and lows of steriod taking. I know there use is rampant today especially amongst young athletes and bodybuilder eager to gain an advantage.
Anyone offered steroids should question the value of the person suggesting them but most importantly should question themselves.
